Sometimes its hard to say out loud or even believe, but i have cancer. cancer.

So when did I first notice that something wasn't quite right? I would have to say that when I think about it December comes to mind.

It was finals week and for reasons unknown I was tired, queasy and upchucking for no reason, but honestly who would say "yep this looks like i've actually got cancer!" No. I just thought that I had caught the Flu, so i kept going to classes and didn't think much of it. All I really wanted was to finish finals and get home for Christmas. And after a few weeks the symptoms went away and I thought nothing of it. I went on with life like normal forgetting that brief spell around Christmas, everyone gets sick right? The next few months I deferred a semester to save some money and to look for a job (p.s. that didn't happen till three weeks ago... yeah great timing right?) I swear I went into hibernation for a few months because all I did was sleep and not much else (my mom thought that it was some type of depression but I was just too tired to do much most days.) 

Anyways I finally found a job (With the help of my wonderful cousin lol ;) and started at the end of may. Everything was working out great until I contracted a bronchial infection later that week. But again i didn't think much of it except that it was a pretty great inconvenience... i mean i finally gotten a job for goodness sake! and now i'm sick.... needless to say i was not a happy camper. Well that caused me to be out of work for a few days till I finally recovered and could work again. But again, things just kept getting worse and three days later I get a nasty rash ( which was essentially written off as poison oak) that caused my ankle and part of my leg to swell and blister. So it was back to the doctor again to get some cream. They told me to wait another three days for the swelling and blisters to finally go away, and i finally got to the point that walking more than a few steps wasn't painful, but i then got INTENSE cramps from #$@#!!#. I was In so much pain I was on the ground crying, so back to the doctor for the third time for some happy pills( yay!!!) but while I was there my mother asked the doctor to look at my rash, the doctor was confused, more doctors got involved, and ultimately it ended in me getting a blood test done, the hospital calling me the next day and booking me a bed in the hospital. 

So here i am. stuck in this bed writing this blog. with cancer. something no one thinks is going to happen to them. but you know what?

It's never as bad as you think it is, and life will never hand you anything you can't handle. So i can handle this. I can. Even if at times i feel like i can't. I can.