So I know it's been awhile since my last post but the past couple of weeks has been just plain exhausting, like just being able to get out of bed was an accomplishment ( lol seriously those hospital beds can eat you) but my red and white blood cell counts are up to almost normal standards and that means no more hospital!!! YAY! I cant believe that Im finally free (after 32 days!) and can enjoy the sunshine (not from a tiny window) so now im at home enjoying some good down time with my family and Kevan before he leaves and some good homemade food. :) Oh and my hair fell/ is falling out so now I have a shaved head and I dont know how some guys do it because my head is ALWAYS cold, so more power to you baldies out there!

Carry on.

So I cut my hair! Crazy I know! But now I have this cool Mohawk and its A-w-e-s-o-m-e  

So yesterday afternoon my aunt Melanie's sister Michelle dropped by and brought me these little solar powered plants and bugs that move when the sun hits them. You just cant help but smile every time you see them :)

I love them :)

Quote of the Day

*While watching Leap Year

"I love this part, it's so romantic!" (then i leaned over and threw up)

*MHAHAHAHAHA

Dear readers,

Today I threw up four times before breakfast.

And now i have to pee... again.... i swear i pee more then a pregnant woman. And it's only noon.

Sometimes its hard to say out loud or even believe, but i have cancer. cancer.

So when did I first notice that something wasn't quite right? I would have to say that when I think about it December comes to mind.

It was finals week and for reasons unknown I was tired, queasy and upchucking for no reason, but honestly who would say "yep this looks like i've actually got cancer!" No. I just thought that I had caught the Flu, so i kept going to classes and didn't think much of it. All I really wanted was to finish finals and get home for Christmas. And after a few weeks the symptoms went away and I thought nothing of it. I went on with life like normal forgetting that brief spell around Christmas, everyone gets sick right? The next few months I deferred a semester to save some money and to look for a job (p.s. that didn't happen till three weeks ago... yeah great timing right?) I swear I went into hibernation for a few months because all I did was sleep and not much else (my mom thought that it was some type of depression but I was just too tired to do much most days.) 

Anyways I finally found a job (With the help of my wonderful cousin lol ;) and started at the end of may. Everything was working out great until I contracted a bronchial infection later that week. But again i didn't think much of it except that it was a pretty great inconvenience... i mean i finally gotten a job for goodness sake! and now i'm sick.... needless to say i was not a happy camper. Well that caused me to be out of work for a few days till I finally recovered and could work again. But again, things just kept getting worse and three days later I get a nasty rash ( which was essentially written off as poison oak) that caused my ankle and part of my leg to swell and blister. So it was back to the doctor again to get some cream. They told me to wait another three days for the swelling and blisters to finally go away, and i finally got to the point that walking more than a few steps wasn't painful, but i then got INTENSE cramps from #$@#!!#. I was In so much pain I was on the ground crying, so back to the doctor for the third time for some happy pills( yay!!!) but while I was there my mother asked the doctor to look at my rash, the doctor was confused, more doctors got involved, and ultimately it ended in me getting a blood test done, the hospital calling me the next day and booking me a bed in the hospital. 

So here i am. stuck in this bed writing this blog. with cancer. something no one thinks is going to happen to them. but you know what?

It's never as bad as you think it is, and life will never hand you anything you can't handle. So i can handle this. I can. Even if at times i feel like i can't. I can.

Animated

 

How I used to feel when anyone brought up cancer

 

How i feel right now

 

How i'll feel when i finally escape!

The green eyed monster

What is cancer? Or more specifically what is Acute Myeloid Leukemia? For most of my life I've viewed cancer as this green eyed ugly monster cell that goes around infecting other cells and causing all sorts of havoc in the victim, but now that view is no longer valid. From what I understand my cancer cells are just cells that are underdeveloped and immature, they are larger than normal cells and tend to reproduce and divide much quicker than healthy cells. They are not malicious, mean and scary as I previously imagined but lazy, fat and immature. They crowd out the normal healthy cells and make it challenging for the normal cells to do their job. Without treatment cancer cells will reproduce too fast for the healthy cells to compete and will spread to the whole body and  within only a few months the body will shut down....but I am a lucky one and the green eyed monster was discovered quite early so there is much hope that given enough chemo the cancer will go into remission. And so begins the Chemo. :)